A typical struggle I always have is in my packing for my summer adventures. And while one would think that all I’d need are overalls and a few white tees…you’re right, but I realized in my (over)packing this time that I have acquired 35 ASP-related shirts since my freshman year of high school…and deciding which ones weren’t going to make the trip down this summer was a lot harder than I thought. Needless to say the night before I got on my way down to the Porch, I could hardly sleep…and yes, there were several shrieks of joy. The next morning, I got into my car, packed with clothes, guitar, Monsters, office-y things, and CDs of all my summer jams. I was on my way, and it was literally like a blur driving there—so surreal that I was actually getting the opportunity to go back. My heart was pounding out of my chest, more than ready to see all of my sweet friends from previous summers, as well as excited to meet and fellowship with the newest staffer class. God did not fail me in my expectations, and honestly, my desires paled in comparison to what I was about to be provided by His grace and love.
I arrived the night before all of the Center Directors were to arrive, to help set up and secure my sleeping arrangement (I mean who wouldn’t love a bottom bunk down in Cumberland Lodge?!) When I arrived at the Porch, I was the only one there…and it was just what my soul needed…peace and stillness. The sun was setting and it danced on top of all of the wooden rocking chairs lined up ready to be filled with servants of Christ in a few short hours. It wasn’t long before some familiar faces began to arrive, and it was during the screams of excitement, back-breaking hugs, laughter and tears of joy that I thought surely this is only a glimpse of what Heaven will look like. It was also in these moments I met past alumni staffers whom I’ve never gotten to know prior to now, and my heart rejoiced in the fact that the concept of “once a staffer, always a staffer” rang loud and true in such a real way. There is something about this community of folks that, if able to put into words, would be such a sweet example of Christ’s body…but those words just haven’t come to me yet.
More and more friends and new faces arrived over the next two days and that once still Porch was bursting in “Wagon Wheel,” laughter, stories from past summers, sessions on construction, and prayer. We were all finally home and God was more than there. As sessions progressed, notes furiously taken, feelings of overwhelming information and emotions, I began to see that we each were fully equipped and called to take this summer by full storm. It was my first time as a staffer that I saw the face of Christ living and radiant through so many staffers who were ready to be bold in their walks with the Lord, and that was evident in the late-night conversations, Bible studies, and just the longing to study the Word and be in prayer for and with one another. In our down time and breaks, although naps were needed and desired, we just couldn’t get away from each other; learning about where we’re coming from and our hopes for the summer. Personally, there was just not enough time in our days to be in as intense fellowship as we wanted, but I praise God for the friendships that were newly formed, and grateful for the ones that were renewed and strengthened.
I found this time on the Porch as a weightiness on my heart to be in a meditative spirit…to truly “Be still, and know that I am God,” (Psalm 46:10). All year and coming into training, my heart and my mind were nonstop. It was in this that I realized the more I kept moving, the less I was giving God time to teach me, grow me, and actually work His plan out in me. It was my justification that my busyness wasn’t because I didn’t want God in control, but because it needed to get done. That humility check came through like a full-throttled train. I was floored in my conviction that I needed to just shut up, let God in, and let go. I realized beforehand that I was broken, but I wasn’t allowing time to be fixed. It was in this revelation that I realized that God never once NEEDED me to be a staffer, but He listened and desired what my heart was desiring, but as long as I kept looking inward toward my improvements as a staffer and not outward/upward, then my desires soon became more about me and less about serving Him.
While on the Porch, a new mindset on life and my heart was taught and will be one that stays with me for the rest of my life. It is the concept of asking yourself if you are full. Sure, the idea of being empty or full isn’t a new concept to me, but I realized that there are different types of fullness. You can be empty/drained/dry, full to the brim, or overflowing. If you are just full, then when you begin to give yourself to other people by investing in them, loving them, caring for them, that fullness starts to fade away. However, if you let your love and life come from your overflow, then your cup will always be full. This sweet, simple, yet riveting service held on the Porch shook me at my core, because I realized there was an entire new capacity of my passion for service and love for people…one that came from my overflow! I came into the summer questioning if I had enough to give to my staff, my staffer friends, my volunteers, and our families…and if I risked being drained, but this encouragement was a challenge and my answer to serve and still feel more than full!
It wasn’t until recently that I had a quick, funny, yet then bring-me-to-sobbing-tears revelation. The song of our summer, the one we as staffers would get so hyped about was literally “FILL MY CUP.” How perfect is our God’s timing in all things big and small?!
OH…fill my cup
Fill my cup let it overflow (x3)
Let it OVERFLOW with love.
